16 Things I Wish They Had Taught Me in School

I don't think about the past or regret things much these days.
But sometimes I wish that I had known some of things I have learned over the last few years a bit earlier. That perhaps there had been a self-improvement class in school. And in some ways there probably was.
Because some of these 16 things in this article a teacher probably spoke about in class. But I forgot about them or didn't pay attention.
Some of it would probably not have stuck in my mind anyway. Or just been too far outside my reality at the time for me to accept and use.
So here are 16 things I wish they had taught me in school (or I just would like to have known about earlier).



1. The 80/20 rule.
This is one of the best ways to make better use of your time. The 80/20 rule - also known as The Pareto Principle - basically says that 80 percent of the value you will receive will come from 20 percent of your activities.
So a lot of what you do is probably not as useful or even necessary to do as you may think.
You can just drop - or vastly decrease the time you spend on - a whole bunch of things.
And if you do that you will have more time and energy to spend on those things that really brings your value, happiness, fulfillment and so on.



2. Parkinson's Law.
You can do things quicker than you think. This law says that a task will expand in time and seeming complexity depending on the time you set aside for it. For instance, if you say to yourself that you'll come up with a solution within a week then the problem will seem to grow more difficult and you'll spend more and more time trying to come up with a solution.
So focus your time on finding solutions. Then just give yourself an hour (instead of the whole day) or the day (instead of the whole week) to solve the problem. This will force your mind to focus on solutions and action.
The result may not be exactly as perfect as if you had spent a week on the task, but as mentioned in the previous point, 80 percent of the value will come from 20 percent of the activities anyway. Or you may wind up with a better result because you haven't overcomplicated or overpolished things. This will help you to get things done faster, to improve your ability to focus and give you more free time where you can totally focus on what's in front of you instead of having some looming task creating stress in the back of your mind.



3. Batching.
Boring or routine tasks can create a lot of procrastination and low-level anxiety. One good way to get these things done quickly is to batch them. This means that you do them all in row. You will be able to do them quicker because there is less "start-up time" compared to if you spread them out. And when you are batching you become fully engaged in the tasks and more focused.
A batch of things to do in an hour today may look like this: Clean your desk / answer today's emails / do the dishes / make three calls / write a grocery shopping list for tomorrow.



4. First, give value. Then, get value. Not the other way around.
This is a bit of a counter-intuitive thing. There is often an idea that someone should give us something or do something for us before we give back. The problem is just that a lot of people think that way. And so far less than possible is given either way.
If you want to increase the value you receive (money, love, kindness, opportunities etc.) you have to increase the value you give. Because over time you pretty much get what you give. It would perhaps be nice to get something for nothing. But that seldom happens.



5. Be proactive. Not reactive.
This one ties into the last point. If everyone is reactive then very little will get done. You could sit and wait and hope for someone else to do something. And that happens pretty often, but it can take a lot of time before it happens.
A more useful and beneficial way is to be proactive, to simply be the one to take the first practical action and get the ball rolling. This not only saves you a lot of waiting, but is also more pleasurable since you feel like you have the power over your life. Instead of feeling like you are run by a bunch of random outside forces.



6. Mistakes and failures are good.
When you are young you just try things and fail until you learn. As you grow a bit older, you learn from - for example - school to not make mistakes. And you try less and less things.
This may cause you to stop being proactive and to fall into a habit of being reactive, of waiting for someone else to do something. I mean, what if you actually tried something and failed? Perhaps people would laugh at you?
Perhaps they would. But when you experience that you soon realize that it is seldom the end of the world. And a lot of the time people don't care that much. They have their own challenges and lives to worry about.
And success in life often comes from not giving up despite mistakes and failure. It comes from being persistent.
When you first learn to ride your bike you may fall over and over. Bruise a knee and cry a bit. But you get up, brush yourself off and get on the saddle again. And eventually you learn how to ride a bike. If you can just reconnect to your 5 year old self and do things that way - instead of giving up after a try/failure or two as grown-ups often do - you would probably experience a lot more interesting things, learn valuable lessons and have quite a bit more success.



7. Don't beat yourself up.
Why do people give up after just few mistakes or failures? Well, I think one big reason is because they beat themselves up way too much. But it's a kinda pointless habit. It only creates additional and unnecessary pain inside you and wastes your precious time. It's best to try to drop this habit as much as you can.



8. Assume rapport.
Meeting new people is fun. But it can also induce nervousness. We all want to make a good first impression and not get stuck in an awkward conversation.
The best way to do this that I have found so far is to assume rapport. This means that you simply pretend that you are meeting one of your best friends. Then you start the interaction in that frame of mind instead of the nervous one.
This works surprisingly well. You can read more about it in How to Have Less Awkward Conversations: Assuming Rapport.



9. Use your reticular activation system to your advantage.
I learned about the organs and the inner workings of the body in class but nobody told me about the reticular activation system. And that's a shame, because this is one of the most powerful things you can learn about. What this focus system, this R.A.S, in your mind does is to allow you to see in your surroundings what you focus your thoughts on. It pretty much always helps you to find what you are looking for.
So you really need to focus on what you want, not on what you don't want. And keep that focus steady.
Setting goals and reviewing them frequently is one way to keep your focus on what's important and to help you take action that will move your closer to toward where you want to go. Another way is just to use external reminders such as pieces of paper where you can, for instance, write down a few things from this post like "Give value" or "Assume rapport". And then you can put those pieces of paper on your fridge, bathroom mirror etc.



10. Your attitude changes your reality.
We have all heard that you should keep a positive attitude or perhaps that "you need to change your attitude!". That is a nice piece of advice I suppose, but without any more reasons to do it is very easy to just brush such suggestions off and continue using your old attitude.
But the thing that I've discovered the last few years is that if you change your attitude, you actually change your reality. When you for instance use a positive attitude instead of a negative one you start to see things and viewpoints that were invisible to you before. You may think to yourself "why haven't I thought about things this way before?".
When you change your attitude you change what you focus on. And all things in your world can now be seen in a different light.
This is of course very similar to the previous tip but I wanted to give this one some space. Because changing your attitude can create an insane change in your world. It might not look like it if you just think about it though. Pessimism might seem like realism. But that is mostly because your R.A.S is tuned into seeing all the negative things you want to see. And that makes you "right" a lot of the time. And perhaps that is what you want. On the other hand, there are more fun things than being right all the time.
If you try changing your attitude for real - instead of analysing such a concept in your mind - you'll be surprised.
You may want to read more about this topic in Take the Positivity Challenge!



11. Gratitude is a simple way to make yourself feel happy.
Sure, I was probably told that I should be grateful. Perhaps because it was the right thing to do or just something I should do. But if someone had said that feeling grateful about things for minute or two is a great way to turn a negative mood into a happy one I would probably have practised gratitude more. It is also a good tool for keeping your attitude up and focusing on the right things. And to make other people happy. Which tends to make you even happier, since emotions are contagious.



12. Don't compare yourself to others.
The ego wants to compare. It wants to find reasons for you to feel good about yourself ("I've got a new bike!"). But by doing that it also becomes very hard to not compare yourself to others who have more than you ("Oh no, Bill has bought an even nicer bike!"). And so you don't feel so good about yourself once again. If you compare yourself to others you let the world around control how you feel about yourself. It always becomes a rollercoaster of emotions.
A more useful way is to compare yourself to yourself. To look at how far you have come, what you have accomplished and how you have grown. It may not sound like that much fun but in the long run it brings a lot more inner stillness, personal power and positive feelings.



13. 80-90% of what you fear will happen never really come into reality.
This is a big one. Most things you fear will happen never happen. They are just monsters in your own mind. And if they happen then they will most often not be as painful or bad as you expected. Worrying is most often just a waste of time.
This is of course easy to say. But if you remind yourself of how little of what you feared throughout your life that has actually happened you can start to release more and more of that worry from your thoughts.



14. Don't take things too seriously.
It's very easy to get wrapped up in things. But most of the things you worry about never come into reality. And what may seem like a big problem right now you may not even remember in three years.
Taking yourself, your thoughts and your emotions too seriously often just seems to lead to more unnecessary suffering. So relax a little more and lighten up a bit. It can do wonders for your mood and as an extension of that; your life.



15. Write everything down.
If your memory is anything like mine then it's like a leaking bucket. Many of your good or great ideas may be lost forever if you don't make a habit of writing things down. This is also a good way to keep your focus on what you want. Read more about it in Why You Should Write Things Down.



16. There are opportunities in just about every experience.
In pretty much any experience there are always things that you can learn from it and things within the experience that can help you to grow. Negative experiences, mistakes and failure can sometimes be even better than a success because it teaches you something totally new, something that another success could never teach you.
Whenever you have a "negative experience" ask yourself: where is the opportunity in this? What is good about this situation? One negative experience can - with time - help you create many very positive experiences.
What do you wish someone had told you in school or you had just learned earlier in life?

Pattinathar

Pattinathar

Tamil Nadu has a lot of poets, siddhars, sages and many wise men who have left behind their experiences as the great wealth that future generations to learn and follow. However, Pattinathar is unique to list of great people that Tamil has as its pride. It would be surprising that Pattinathar was a tycoon who has business all over the world. He was born in an affluent family and yet he turned to be a Sanyasi. Thiruvenkadar, was his name when he became a Sanyasi. This post and the subsequent posts narrate the life of Pattinathar and the incidents that lead him to become a Sanyasi. Pattinathar has given us his experience and wisdom in the form of songs that we will see in these posts. His works include Koyinaan Manimaalai, Thirukazhumala Mummanikkovai, Thiruvidai Marudhur Mummanikkovai, Thiruvegambamudaiya r Thiruvandhaadhi, Thiruvottriyur Orupa Orupadhu. Now let us see how a legendary tycoon of Kaveripoompattinam (Poompuhar) turned into Sanyasi.

Pattinathar, also called Pattinathu Chetty, was born in an affluent tycoon family. His parents were Sivanesan Chettiar and Gnanakalai Aachi. They were so affluent, that in those days it was a customary that kings of the various dynasties and empires who rose to the throne will be crowned by the wealthiest in the country. And for three generations or more, Pattinathar's ancestors have crowned the kings in the Chera, Chola, Pandya and the Pallava Kingdoms. That would give us an understanding of how wealthy their family should have been. They had a lot of ships that sailed across to various countries in the globe for trade purposes. Pattinathar was born and he was named Swetharanyan. He had an elder sister.

Swetharanyan grew up as kid with lots of love, affection and lenience. He spent most of his time playing and studies was a far distant thing to him. Pattinathar's father was worried that his son does not study well, but his mother convinced him that they had wealth that would feed more than 10 generations, so why worry about their son not studying. A few years later, Pattinathar's father died and his mother had to take care of business. Though she was able to manage that, her brother - Pattinathar's maternal uncle - gave her a helping hand and looked after the business.

Swetharanyan, born in the lineage of traders, instinctively had the skills for trade. He picked up the nuances quickly and wanted to venture into the seas to get more hands-on experience about trade across the oceans. He became well-versed and later he was married to a girl named Sivakalai at the age of 16. In those days, marrying at a young age was practised. Over the years, he grew to be a man who can handle businesses himself and became the wealthiest trader in Kaveripoompattinam. Thereafter he was referred to as Pattinathu Chetty or Pattinathar.

For a long time, the couple did not have a child as the heir to their wealth. They went to a lot of temples but still God did not bles them with a child. They were worried, and Pattinathar's mother even suggested that he married another girl. In those days, men used to have more than one wife. However, People in those days had a very high respect for their mothers, that they would not rebuke anything against their mother's words, Pattinathar was not in a position to show his refusal to his mother's suggestion, however he expressed clearly his unwillingness and made it clear that he was not willing to think of any other girl as his wife. His mother, honoured his wish and did not talk about that later.

Pattinathar had a dream one night. In the dream, he saw an elderly couple near Thiruvidai Marudhur, who had a young infant and were worried as they were not able to feed for themselves, and feeding and bringing up that infant was worrying them more. Pattinathar heard a divine voice asking him to travel to Thiruvidai Marudhur. He woke up from his dream and the next day Pattinathar and Sivakalai headed to Thiruvidai Marudhur. And when he reached Thiruvidai Marudhur, he saw the same elderly couple that he saw his in dreams. He enquired about them, and they said that they were poor and the child was born at a very later age, and now they are weak to feed for themselves. So they both decided to go and meet Pattinathu Chetty and ask him to adopt the child for which, the elderly couple told, that Pattinathar would give them gold equal to the weight of the infant with which they could manage the rest of their life. Pattinathar and Sivakalai eyes were in tears and they thought that Lord Shiva and Parvathi themselves came as the elderly couple and blessed them with the child.

Then Pattinathar and Sivakalai, took the elderly couple to Kaveripoompattinam and said that they will adopt the child and gave the elderly couple a good amount of wealth for them to survive through their age. Then they planned for the adoption ceremony of the child. Now, Pattinathar's sister, who thought that the wealth of Pattinathar will automatically be for her family as Pattinathar had no heir, had her dreams shattered by the adoption of this child. She argued and quarrelled with his brother. But Pattinathar made a firm decision that he is going to adopt that child and that child will be his heir. The adoption ceremony went very well in all its grandeur and they name the baby boy - Marudhavanan. They considered Marudhavanan as their own child and showed him a great love and affection.

Pattinathar is one of the greatest saints that Tamilnadu has ever given birth to.

His Jeeva samadhi is situated in Thiruvottiyur and visiting his samadhi with pure devotion will lead to Salvation.

PATTINATHAR (DEATH AND BIRTH)

The 4 Wives

There was a rich merchant who had 4 wives. He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to delicacies. He took great care of her and gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the 3rd wife very much. He's very proud of her and always wanted to show off her to his friends. However, the merchant is always in great fear that she might run away with some other men.

He too, loved his 2nd wife. She is a very considerate person, always patient and in fact is the merchant's confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some problems, he always turned to his 2nd wife and she would always help him out and tide him through difficult times.

Now, the merchant's 1st wife is a very loyal partner and has made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However, the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.

One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long, he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life and told himself, "Now I have 4 wives with me. But when I die, I'll be alone. How lonely I'll be!"

Thus, he asked the 4th wife, "I loved you most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No way!" replied the 4th wife and she walked away without another word.

The answer cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant's heart. The sad merchant then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?" "No!" replied the 3rd wife. "Life is so good over here! I'm going to remarry when you die!" The merchant's heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the 2nd wife, "I always turned to you for help and you've always helped me out. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?" "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only send you to your grave." The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated.

Then a voice called out : "I'll leave with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go." The merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the merchant said, "I should have taken much better care of you while I could have !"

Actually, we all have 4 wives in our lives

a. The 4th wife is our body. No matter how much time and effort we lavish in making it look good, it'll leave us when we die.

b. Our 3rd wife ? Our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others.

c. The 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.

d. The 1st wife is in fact our soul, often neglected in our pursuit of material, wealth and sensual pleasure.

Guess what? It is actually the only thing that follows us wherever we go. Perhaps it's a good idea to cultivate and strengthen it now rather than to wait until we're on our deathbed to lament

Temple Worship

TEMPLE WORSHIP

Why go to the temple?
Saivites are generally encouraged to go to the temple everyday. Those who can’t manage daily temple worship are recommended to go to the temple at least on Tuesdays and Fridays. What agamic thought underpins this recommendation, especially in this fast-paced world? Many people believe that you don’t have to go anywhere because God resides in each one of us. This is completely true. As Manickavasagar’s Sivapuranam states, God is not absent from our consciousness even for the duration of the blink of an eye( imaipozhuthum en nenjil neengaathaan). What is equally true, however, is that the trivial facts of life change. We live in a very different world today than the world in which Manickavasagar or Appar lived. This is the nature of maya which is the name we Hindus give to all things which are subject to change. Trivial facts change but Truth or God or Brahman as the Upanishads refer to Him, remains eternally true. The circumstances of life have changed and will continue to change but the goal of life remains, and will remain, ever the same. The journey of the atma today, as in the days of Manickavasagar, is still to find God. Hindus believe the temple plays a very important role in achieving this goal.

One name for temple in Tamil is aalayam, the place where the atma (aa) becomes attuned (layam) to God
, becomes one with Him and therefore becomes liberated from the cycle of birth (achieves mukhti). The
discipline of going to the temple, the component parts of the temple and what they constantly remind us of, and the rituals and prayers we engage in while there, are all specifically designed by the ancient rishis who set up these rituals to scaffold our efforts to reach God. Contrary to current beliefs, these rituals, perhaps even more than in previous eras, are critically important today. Hindus believe that we are coming towards the end of a 5-thousand year cycle of human journeying. It is believed that the human spirit is now spiritually bankrupt and therefore is unable to focus. It is unable to achieve the concentration of effort or sustain the imaginative vision of a formless God. Temple worship, it is believed, is God’s grace providing the props – the images and rituals – that will serve as the crutches that this lame modern soul requires to totter towards its goal.

What must you take to the temple?

Bhava is an important concept in Bakhti. It relates to the attitude or “mood” or the spiritual climate prevailing in the mind of the devotee. It is a very important precondition for communicating with God. When you go to the temple, you must go carrying with you a number of thoughts. You are going to the house of the King of Kings (ko-vil = ko (King or emperor) + il (home or residence), the Lord of all universes. So you need to go there with the utmost humility, respect and awe. You are going to the home of your creator and provider of all you have. Therefore you need to go there in a spirit of thankfulness. Modern communication theory tells us the person communicating and the person he is communicating with must be on the same wavelength for communication to take place. You are going to the temple to meet God, to enable your soul to become attuned to Him. Therefore you need to take with you a soul with the qualities which are God’s. God is called nimalan ( without malas or impurities) You need to be pure. He is karunaakaran. You need to carry with you a soul filled with love and compassion for all.

All that you have and are belongs to God as your creator and the Lord of the universe. There is nothing that you can give Him except your love:
You can carry this love for Him in the form of the things used in Hindu worship :
(1) loose flowers for you or the priest to lay at His Feet;
(2) garlands that you bought or, better still, lovingly strung together yourself
(3) camphor or katpooram (that burns to give light by destroying itself and which leaves no trace of itself when it has burnt out) – to remind yourself to live in service to others and to remember that the purpose of life is to merge without a trace of self in the Self that is God.
(4) fruit that you can offer to God and then either take it home afterwards or share with others in the temple as prasada.

You can also carry your love of God in offering your physical services to the temple. You can help to clean the temple. You can help to carry the image of the deity to place Him in the ratham or chariot on days when He is taken out. These acts help you to put yourself in perspective. In comparison to God, you are nothing. Your titles and your money, what are they in comparison to the wealth of God?

If you have money or learning, you can offer these to God. The money you donate to the temple can be used to conduct services that benefit the devotees and what you do for the devotees, you do for God. Adiyaarkum adiyehn ( the slave of the slaves of God) is an attitude that many Hindu saints have held to be important and have demonstrated in their own lives. When people share their knowledge with others and help to bring them closer to God, this too is a form of service to God through service to His creation.

What do you do before you arrive at the temple?

Prepare a pure you to meet God who is pure: have a bath and wear clean clothes.

What do you do at the temple?

Love, respect, humility etc are common to all mankind but different cultural groups express them in different ways. Every religion is embedded within a culture or civilization and so the way love, respect etc are expressed within a religion are dictated by the way these feelings are expressed in the host culture. The host culture of Hinduism is Indian culture. The way love, respect, humility etc are expressed in Hindu temple worship therefore are the ways Indians express these feelings in their everyday life.

When you arrive at the temple

Remove your footwear and wash your feet. Sprinkle some water on your head. [We always remove our footwear when we visit people because we don’t want to bring in the dust of the street into their home and also because it traditional Indian society it was considered disrespectful to keep your shoes on in the presence of someone you respect].
Raise your hands above your head and worship the rajagopuram, which standing tall, constantly reminds the devotee that God is always there for him.
As you enter the temple, touch the entrance respectfully with both your hands and bring your hands to your eyes. In temple architecture, the rajagopuram at the entrance to the temple denotes God’s Feet. [It is the custom is Indian culture for lesser beings to fall at the feet of greater beings to show their humility and to receive blessings].

Once you are in the temple

Prostrate before the kodi maram or flag staff and it symbolizes God and His sovereignty. Near the kodi maram is the balipeedam ( the place of sacrifice) and the vahana ( God’s vehicle). While you prostrate, you need to (a) acknowledge God’s sovereignty over your life (b) pledge saranaagathi or total surrender to God and express your wish to place all your life, especially your distracting thoughts at the balipeedam; and (c) ask for His grace to increase your sense of His presence in you
(His real vahanam)
Go round the veethi or courtyard of the temple, holding yourself in a prayerful posture and constantly uttering His name or some mantra(s). Walk very slowly. The purpose of this circumambulation or going round the temple is to become more and more God-centred and less and less distracted by the world and what you see as its demands on you.
Don’t circumambulate when the communal prayers are going on. Keep your attention solely on the prayers. Constantly pray for His presence in your life and in your being. Many of us use this time to plead for help : “Lord help my husband to get his promotion”, “ Lord, make my children pass all their exams” etc. This is not wrong. It is just wasteful. If God who is Vigneswaran ( Lord of obstacles) is in your life, won’t all obstacles disappear like Kaasiba Munivar says in the “Kaariya Sithi Maalai”: idarhal muzhuvathum eri veezhum panchena maayum ( all obstacles will disappear, like the cotton touched by flame)? If Murugan, the Devasenapathi ( the leader of the troops) is in your camp, can you lose any battle in your life? If Parasakti ( the Highest Power) is the source of your strength, can you ever weaken or be destroyed however strong the evil that confronts you? If Krishna is the driver of the chariot of your life, can you lose in the Mahabaratha which is the struggle between good and evil in your life and within your soul? If Sivan who is Love (Anbe Sivam) is the guiding light of your life, won’t He know what you need? Do you have to remind Him who is all knowledge to remember what you need?

After the pooja
· The priest and his assistants will bring the prasadam and deepam ( flame). Light is a very important symbol of God in Hinduism. When the flame is brought to you, touch is reverently and bring it to your eyes, all the while thinking that it is God’s warmth and light that you are taking to bless your life;
· The priest will also bring to you the vibuthi. This again is God’s blessing to you. Receive it reverently, placing your right hand over your left. After receiving the vibhuti transfer it to your left palm. Then, without dropping any on the ground, use the middle three fingers of the right hand to spread the vibhuti in three lines over your forehead in a left to right direction. These three lines denote the three malas( anava or egotism, kanmam or the propensities you exhibit in your character and actions as a result of the imprints[1] on your soul left by the accumulated actions of all previous births and maya or the concentration on the changeable aspects of life instead of on the eternal ). The vibuthi which is ash denotes the destruction of these three malas by the grace of God;
· In another tray, Kumkumum, santhanam or sandalwood paste and flowers are brought to you. The kunkumum and sandalwood paste are meant to be placed as a dot in the center of the forehead where Hindu belief states the third eye of each person is to be found. Take the kumkumum and santhanam and place them with the ring finger of your right hand on the center of your forehead between your two eyebrows. Ask God to open your third eye which sees inner spiritual truths that no physical eye can see.

Before you leave the temple

Don’t leave the temple as soon as the pooja is over.:
· If you didn’t circumambulate the temple before the pooja, you can do so now. Going round the temple at least three times is recommended. You could dedicate your mantras or prayers for the removal of the three malas: for the removal of the anava mala the first time; the removal of kanmum next and for the removal of maya during the final round.
· When you have finished active participation in all the different rituals, sit down and savour the sacred vibrations that participation in the pooja would have set up in you. Soak in the divine presence of God.
· After the meditative sitting, prostrate before the kodi maram again. Thank God for His grace and blessings before you go home.